These Phrases given by My Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - spending a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."